“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” She has always been my delight, and for that I am grateful. The tears are overwhelming, and my pain is gut wrenching.
Sorrow, anguish, guilt, emptiness… These are the emotions overtaking my normally centered conscious. The sense of impending loss is the most out of control I have felt in a long time. Knowing someone has decided to give up on life, no matter how justified their reasoning is heartbreakingly painful. If you ask me how I am, I lose it. If I sit still too long, memories flood my heart and tears run over.
Memories. Delightful tidbits of my past swim around threatening to overturn any sense of calm I thought I accomplished. From the time I was a little girl, my grandmother, affectionately known as NaNa, (and myself as her CiCa) took a role in my life and heart that could never be replaced. The love that I have for my NaNa is pure, undeniable, and accompanies one of the strongest attachments I will ever know. She is the majority of the reasons I am who I am today.
Who am I? I am her granddaughter, a woman who is strong enough to pick herself up and move on, no matter how broken I am inside… That is what she taught me….Right? She taught me so many important life lessons, ones that are imperative to a sense of self and respect, of ambition and successes. My grandmother taught me strength, yet it is the ONE thing that I cannot seem to grasp hold of. Maybe in time…
“God never gives you more than you can handle” Florence Poletti
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