Manic Mondays!!!!!!!!!!

What a weekend! Swimming, shenanigans, homework and cleaning took up all my time! Here are the answers to the questions that were submitted by Friday.....

Dear Jess,

How can I spice up my life again in the bedroom for my hubby. He seems uninterested after I've had the 3rd baby.
Love, Desperate for love making...LOL

Dear Desperate for Love Making-

Men are really just overgrown children; tell him what to do and he will do it, especially if he has an award or incentive. ;) Put the kids to bed when he is away, answer the door in a corset and thong,(Checking the peephole first of course,, although answering the door half nude could make your UPS packages come on time from now on) and demand he goes to the bedroom.. Be prepared for a naughty night! Make him think about nothing but you.. Text and picture messages full of sexual innuendo and NUDITY. Men are visual creatures; walk around butt ass naked and that should get his attention. Be aggressive with him- "that Jalepeno pepper is mine and I am taking it amigo!" And if all else fails, no man I know can turn down a B.J!

Love, MWLTF

Dear Jess, Where do words come from?

Once upon a time, there was an alphabet that was 26 whole letters long… Every time the alphabet would take a poop, words were formed! ;)The End!

Love, Jess


Dear Whitty Whiner,

My husband is a complete douche lord and thinks he can do no wrong! How can I knock him down a few pegs and put him back in his place. His head is in serious need of deflation before he POPS! (or gets popped)

Love, The Pin to his Bubble

Dear Pin to his Bubble,

When he is asleep, use that little tube of crazy glue that we all keep in our junk drawer and glue his penis to the inside of his leg. His first morning wood will hurt so bad he might consider being a decent person! When he freaks out just tell him he must have used the crazy glue to jerk off instead of his lube! Visine in his drink will keep him on the toilet, and make him realize how full of shit he is... Although I have heard of people being convicted and going to jail for doing this since it has such a hard toll on the body, so unless you're ready to go to the bing for big-head, I would skip that one! You can start acting like he does and see how he likes it! Or, if all else fails, smack the shit out of him ;)

Love, Whitty Whiner


Dear Jess,

I am going to a wedding next month, the theme colors are pink and light green. I never liked wearing dresses, what color of a dress would you choose and would it be a long dress be appropriate?

Love, Undecided

Dear Undecided,

If you don't like wearing dresses, DON'T! Especially if you know you are going to turn into "that girl" from the wedding who gets tossed and winds up showing her underwear (or lack thereof). There is no rule that says you have to wear a dress! Express has really cute tops and bottoms, and I have always been in love with the female type fitted tuxedo look, but, I digress; if you feel like you want to wear a dress you can. I suggest something comfortable, and your length can range from mid-thigh (especially if the groomsmen are cute and you are single) to just below the knee. Unless the wedding invitation specifies that it is a "formal" affair, I wouldn't wear a floor length dress that makes you look like you were left out of the wedding party and are holding grudges! Wear whatever color you want, except white! The bride might feel like smacking you for trying to steal her color! Have a cocktail for me, and send me a picture with what you wear!

Love, Jess